Joggers Park- Revised

"How about this one?".. "How about this one?".. My fiance was showing me some designs to help me decide what I would like to wear on the D-day. Jodhpuri, tuxedos, sherwanis, the list endless.
Not only did the enitre episode make me more confused it also made me realise that unless I get in some sort of shape (human ofcourse), its very unlikely that I would look good in any of these clothes, no matter what I choose to wear, but I couldnt tell her that.
I could ofcourse say the pics of the models were edited but hey we all know the truth nah. So I decided once again to return to my "tryst with fitness" and the art of healthy living and decided I shall take a walk/run/crawl around the park everday no matter what.
The issue of being part of the world is that you cant help getting glimpses of the lives of your fellow beings and this experience was no different.
Suddenly there is this whole bunch of people and kids who are so interested in a healthy life and I am like "where were all these people for so long?". I am so used to the air-conditioned gym where i can sit and see if I could burn calories..the open air had so many challenges I had no clue about.

Lap 1 : 3:50 secs
The worried father:
Just as I was about to complete the first lap I saw a man searching the parking lot near the park as if though he was searching for his keys.. He wasnt creating a scene but from his body language I could easily make out he had lost somethin really precious. He kept pointing to the pram which he had parked near the compound wall of the park and had gone to take a quick jog to relieve his tensions and burn a few calories and as soon as he completed his lap he noticed his daughter who was asked to sit in the pram was missing and he was searching for her..I kept looking back to see if he did find her.. but he didn't.. he was so upset.. Its strange how people set out to do things and when they return to where they belong they realise they have lost or in this case misplaced something so valuable.. Just as I was about to complete Lap 2,I heard a loud shout of "Daddyyyy!!!" and saw the beautiful child smiling and running towards her dad and he ran towards her like as if they had met after years.. I am sure he will remember this moment for his entire life. maybe someday when his daughter returns to meet him from her busy academic or career schedule or for a few minutes she would take from the rat race called life..

Lap no:4 12:59 secs
Two men in a park
On completion of Lap 4 I came across two middle aged men who were visibly upset at their medical reports. " Damm! I shouldnt have gone to see the doctor, high cholestrol and Blood pressure and he has adviced me to walk for atleast an hour and to control my diet, you know how my wife is, she only needs such tiny matters to impose a ban on everything I enjoy. I mean come on I have been toiling here for like 20 years, taking all sorts of crap from my boss, struggling really hard to make my ends meet, raising kids and all. Is it wrong to maybe have a few pegs or eat some non veg?."We end up fighting almost everyday since I did this test., so I have no option but to walk..". for which the other man replied.. " Well you are lucky atleast you wife and children so close to keep an eye on you and to take care of you"."Look at me,couldnt afford the high rents here so sent them all back to India and have to wait for 365 days to go meet them for 30 days. The doctor has adviced me to conduct a surgery for my knee this year, but I havent told home. I just tell them that I am fine and doing great."" Whats the point in making them sad too". Hearing this the other man let out a huge sigh/
Maybe it was a realisation that we only value something when we no longer have it or are forced to part with it even if its momentarily and its when you see that the the man next to you is blind that you consider yourself blessed to have atleast one perfect eye..

the Run continues.......

Marriage masala

Back to work. Senior teachers seem all colored after the long Diwali break and all geared up to usher in the marriage season of India. All the young unmarriage teachers are the eye-candy of the seniors to pass on their silver-jubilee-marriage knowledge. Being the youngest in the lot I am the constant talk of the staff-room. Back at my flat 'all the single ladies' seem to be getting knocked-out LBW also known in the young marriage market as Lass Becomes Wife!! Days of feminism and freedom are gone, welcome the Phase II. ''If it makes him happy do it! What will you loose so much if you budge a little?", mother was giving one of her lectures. She holds the largest flag in the Great Indian Fat Wedding marathon and shows no signs of keeping the flag down till she has instilled in her city-born liberal thought child a bit of conversative India elegence. Secret is, she has been trying hard to filter me into the feminine sandals of the main-stream 60's heroine of Indi-cinema! Problem is I love my stilletoes a lot and I do make noise when I walk in them declaring my arrival.
With the match going strong, I asked myself if my life has lost its east-man colour. Will I be left alone? Atleast a few years earlier before I met this 'guy' I used to think that I will marry at 29 after completing my PhD and immediately visit the gynecologist to give me birth boosting pills. Now I can take it slow or I think I can at least! The Bombay... oops.. Mumbai fever took over me in graduation and incorporated me automatically in its bright lights, sunny sights and short tights. With a wide variety of friends who ranged from plain panner to peppy pepper I discovered that I was much more than sitting and reading Paulo Coelho. I realised that I was someone who loved watching Vagina Monologues with popcorn in hand and could wear anything other than dull hues and earth colours. That was once upon a time story though. Now, just like any other girl I want a certain person's very certain company but can't imagine he would travel 2,304 kilometers on weekends to light up the dinner table with my favourite wine on a cozy table at the far corner in Bootleggers. Everything suddenly circles around him and I can't figure out where I stand because as you can understand completely I would also be going around him in circles!
I guess Phase II is about loosing the teenage thunder and gearing up to be the sultry serene sexy woman who has been there and done that. The true feminine attitude that is capable of incorporating the male life-style into their own and yet clearly demarcate their own space and place. So here's to womanhood and bottoms up to the process of attaining the mark of 'woman of substance'.

Per per preoccuparsi o non preoccuparsi

"You always crib"!!!..This is the single most popular comment I have heard people make about me. Not that I am happy about it but as all Capricornians, I just have this constant feeling that something is not correct and in 99.99% cases most of the things are not right! I can't say I have the desire for more because "more" is a bus I am always trying to catch, so I am sitting here in my office on a weekend day doing what I do best (also known as nothing) and thinking what does cribbing actually mean and can I do something about it.

A man's greatest strength is to identify his weakness and do something about it so I went in search of what cribbing actually meant. I usually don’t go too far these days in search of knowledge. All I need to do is to search in google and . . . .tadaa. . . . all my questions are answered.

Cribbing is a compulsive behavior or "stable vice" seen in some horses (In my case Stud would be the preferred word). It involves the horse (me) grabbing a solid object ( yikes!! May be not always solid..... sometimes imaginary stuff too! Issues like trivial matters, financial and career concerns, family issues, relationship concerns, fiancé and the endless list goes on) such as the stall door or fence rail (something which I feel I am attached to), with his incisors (sometimes incisors are my sharp mind or even sharper tongue), arching his neck ( that’s required because that’s where the HEAD and in it often the BRAIN is, though they are usually on vacation whenever I need them), pulling against the object, and sucking in air.

( "Yup!! That’s exactly how I GRAB hold of the situation and make a total mess of it.. See how easy and effortless it is to crib.. No wonder I do it so often. Considering I wouldn't have cribbed had someone told me that it burnt calories!'' Yes! I adore my lazy self.)

Cribbing is thought to cause the release of endorphins in the horse's (my) brain ("hormones which release stress, anxiety, worry and tension in my case.. the feeling that by worrying about it I can solve it! I know, what a smart ass!"), causing a sensation of pleasure ( Yup as my fiancé would say " You derive so much pleasure from this don’t you! Worrying about nothing and complaining all the time.")

A related habit, wood-chewing, does not involve sucking in air; the horse simply gnaws on wood rails or boards as if they were food (Ya very true!! When there is nothing major to worry about you always find something smaller. Like your girl friend staying out late, waiting too long for things to happen, why isnt she picking up the phone, why is no one scrappin me in orkut, no non-vegetarian food, too much traffic and so on.... quick cribbing just to keep the grey cells busy.)

Causes and solutions

Cribbing is usually caused by boredom or anxiety, but usually both causes are related to confinement ( Yes!! The ultimate desire for man to break free from peer pressure, ambition, family pressure, performance pressure and so on.... When he feels tied down and he feels he is not doing enough and he feels he has no control over the situation). It is therefore seen most often in horses (men) that are stalled for long periods ( Yup! Chained to the same work desk for years, same friends every weekend, same life nothing actually HAPPENING. The constant feeling that enough is not good enough). Once a confirmed habit, the horse may crib in other places, even out in a grassy field, though extended turnout does, over time, reduce the frequency and intensity of cribbing (Yup! No matter how good things are for me I continue to crib. Even if things are really really great I manage to see the dark, negative, boring side of it so easily and the only time I reduce cribbing is when nothing goes wrong for like 6 months! I know very rare..... but I am working on it). Cribbing can be minimized by having the horse wear a "cribbing strap," a collar-like device that prevents the horse from swelling its neck to suck in air ( Ok!! Got the message loud and clear in the words of my most loved one "What you need is a SMACK where it really hurts!'') heee haaawwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well actually there is no sure shot cure for cribbing. Maybe a little scotch-tape and wire might help but that too will take time to show results. So until I find something else to chew sorry I mean worry about. I am the happiest Stud I know.

Maid um miyaa

Here we go! One more Diwali! Crackers, sweets, new clothes, guests, rangoli. Yes, that was the good part! Buildings catching fire, houses partially and completely eated up by fire caught due to the mishandling of crackers, burnt body part due to carelessness, fire-extinguishers summoned. All this is on a very global front but what happens at home is a personal secret, secretively shared with everyone.
My maid seems a little discontent and disturbed these days. Holi came and went away, Dushera passed by without any festive mood but here come diwali- the festival of lights and inevitable noise pollution! She, the maid in question arrives early morning banging at the door and waking me up from my sweetdream, barging into my room ready to tell me the tall tales of 'dakshees' she received from the various kind-hearted people for whom she cooks and cleans. One is the richie rich who lives in a lavish 17K rented apartment bang opposite to my apartment. He gave Rs.200 and 1/2 kg sweet bought all the way from Delhi. Another is where she was generously given a entire month's salary as the 'bakshees'. Yet another one where she received a saree and cash and sweets. I was wondering... Is she trying to make me jealous by elaborating very efficiently what others gave and making me look down upon myself! I guess that was a very good trick to bring in me the competitve spirit. But I have to take second and third and fourth opinion from my roomies to satisfy the competitive hunger I felt rising deep inside me. So, I went and asked them if they feel the same internal pull and everyone clearly stated their unwillingness to participate in the marathon to famedom among the maid community. There was a sudden dip in my desire to elevate my position and I sulked back in bed trying to recollect the dream and wondering about methods to go back to it. The maid wasnt satisfied with the ice cold response and the cold revolt began. She demonstrated her frustration and irritability in numerous way, firstly by refusing to wash the utensil which she generously and self-willingly used to clean. She talked less and had a long face and thoughtful mode switched on everytime she entered our apartment. I missed her 16-teeth-prutruding-outward-smile. She asked Poornima to get anklet from her hometown as she was leaving for home and enquired everyday if it was going to be bought and brought! Her daughter was in dire need of it and it seems that she had treatened with suicide if the anklet was not made available at the earliest. Poornima returned without the object of desire but the responsibility to buy one was passed over to Ashwini who was on holiday as well.
The news that Poornima arrived without the anklet left Archana shattered but she managed to postpone her daughters' suicide attempt for a few more days. We bought her a saree and she immediately rejected it when we delined to offer her money on top of this. She complained that the saree is worth Rs. 100 and clearly mentioned that it was way below her standard but yet she would take it if and only if extra money was 'wishfully' and 'willingly' given.
The match is still going on and Ashwini's arrival is awaited. If she brings the anklet then the peace and calm of the inhabitants can be restored or else.....

Walking down the path

He was waiting for me to unite. He was watching over me. I learnt from him the meaning of tender love, protection and care and what being partial meant as well. He waslked and i walked besides him holding hand and nagging and dragging him towards the direction of the stream taking its smooth and gently turn. He held my fingers tight sending across a sensation I long for today. If only I was as tall as him I would lay a peck on his cheek to indicate that i understood what went through his head, but I often did that when he sat down on his rocking chair besides the large window smoking his 'beedi'. He loved this beedi and smoked as much as possible throwing the bud out of the window where it lay like the various designs the bangles in the kaleidescope makes when given a slight jitter. I secretively picked those buds and sat beneath my bed to ravish what he lovingly puffed till the beedi met his skin and sent satisfactory aroma all about him. The distinct smell of the beedi still lingers in my head when I close my eyes and imagine him. My grandfather was a man of many airs and respected yet the most kindest soul I had met. He was definitely kind to me and I dont care how he was to the rest of the world.
He had left me at age eleven to blossom into a woman all alone. I missed him but talking about him at home brought tears to 'the mother dearest' of mine hence everything which included his name was avoided. It was suddenly at the bank I had an urgent urge to see him. Long dead he lay buried in the fertile soil of Kerala, become one with the soil which he and his ancestors served and worshipped. So, I walked down the Powai hill and stood in front of The Holy Trinity Church. Lush green with dedonia planted all over, colourful flowers and tall tress filled the premises beautifully. The name of the church was engraved in huge alphabets over the arch of the main gate. The main gate opened to a straight road leading straight to the church. The chapel and the Reverand's residence nested before the church while the church was towards the interior. The path was shady and a mystic breeze blew leaving a sense of peace and calm deliverng happiness and comfort to the wayward minds of people walking on this path. I took my first steps on this road and suddenly felt an instant desire to visit the cemetary. I asked the guard where the church was and he politely guided me. I walked praying in my mind that I may feel his presence and love again. I wished that the long dead souls may purify my spirit and the fire in me may be replaced by the cool water of the silent stream that flowed beneath my home in Kerala where I often dragged my grandfather. I reached the bend on the path that led to the cemetary and I walked. There lay a ruin behind the church which stood almost the height of the church building. It had trees growing over it and tall lush green grasses all around it. Lonely birds nestled with their young ones chirping and basking in the sunlight pouring from in between the leaves of the peepal trees growing on the ruined building. White butterflies flew about suddenly and filled the place with magic which only the fairies of the earth would have created. There was a huge pit dug up and soil was moved from in there to cover the coffin ones it was laid. I stood at the gate of the cemetary and wondered if I should go in. Everything looked peaceful and somewhere I felt that the souls had reached repentence and would have been purged with hyssop and unified with the purgatory part of the universe.
I turned for a moment and thought someone was watching over me. I looked around carefully around the green grass grown like the scandinavian grass and traced a man watching me. He was the same watchman who had showed me the way and was just safeguarding me from the dead. Only I knew that the dead gave me peace and took me a step closer to my grandfather.

The Truth about Liars.

While visiting one of my favourite sites the other day I read a few lines about an old classic called "Jhooti ". Bhaaga Bhaaga is picturised on Rekha, who plays a compulsive liar in the film, Jhooti. The film was directed by Hrishikesh Mukherjee and also starred Raj Babbar and Amol Palekar.

Not that I remember seeing the movie nor do I have any concerns with Rekha, but I thought to myself ( ya! I have taken it up as a part time job now) what in the world is a Compulsive liar and why would someone make a movie on that?. I think I am so fascinated by the world of lies and deception ever since we have become die hard fans of Sach ka Samna.So once again I googled it ( Man! i don't know what I would have done if google didn't exist!!.)and discovered the whole truth about lies..

TTs Theory on Lies

Google the word "Lie" and you will find 113,000,000 Sites dedicated to it. Type the word "truth" and you will find 187,000,000 sites dedicated to it. Type the word "confess" and you will find only 12,000,000 sites dedicated to it.. So I would like to safely conclude that the margin between people interested in telling the truth and those who choose to lie is decreasing rapidly and only 11% of the people who chose to lie have ever thought about confessing it. To add salt to injury I dared to google honesty and found only 20,300,000 sites interested in it while the combined site count for Liar(s) is 25,760,000. You might have guessed by now that I have no other work to do but hey someone has to show some concern for the future of mankind right..

So my desire to find out what a compulsive liar was justified but that was not before i realised that there are 16 known ways of telling lies namely Fabrication ,Bold-faced lie ,Lying by omission,Lie-to-children, White lie, Noble lie, Emergency Lie ,Perjury ,Bluffing ,Misleading/Dissembling ,Exaggeration ,Jocose lies ,Contextual

lies ,Puffery,Lying in Trade Lie by obsolete signage while theres is only 1 way to tell the truth. No wonder we live in lies. its like choosing from the ice ream available with Baskin Robbins flavours or between Chocolate and Vanilla. I know extremely tempting right??.. wait till to hear the rest of what I have got to say.

So basically it seems there are many types of liars too. Occasional Liars, Frequent Liars, Habitual Liars, Professional Liars then the Pathological and Compulsive Liars. People you work with, live with, move around, they all fall into one of these categories. I am not going to justify a lie but I feel special attention needs to be given to understand who a Compulsive Liar is cause its an extreme case when compared to the rest.

To define a compulsive liar:"A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship ."

So how do you spot a compulsive Liar.

Gottcha !!!( Source www.ehow.com)

***Compulsive liars lie on a regular and ongoing basis; it is a habit in which they participate almost all the time.

***Consider the apparent ease with which a person tells a lie. If they appear uncomfortable or nervous, then chances are that they are not a compulsive liar. Lying comes naturally to a compulsive liar, who looks and feels more comfortable lying than telling the truth.
Focus on the types of things that the person lies about. A compulsive liar often lies about anything and everything, even small, seemingly insignificant things.

***Evaluate the motivation behind the person's lying. If the person seems to lie simply when it is beneficial for them or when it gets them out of an awkward situation, they are probably not a compulsive liar. Someone who is a compulsive liar generally lies because doing so is a habit and not because they are trying to manipulate others.

***Think about the person's personality characteristics to determine whether they fit the stereotype of a compulsive liar. Often, compulsive liars begin this habit to get attention from others or to make themselves appear better in some way, so a compulsive liar may have issues with poor self esteem.

***Examine whether a potential compulsive liar recognizes their behavior. Because lying is such an ingrained habit for a compulsive liar, they may not even recognize that they are doing it, or they may deny the behavior.

***Look at the person's ability to remain consistent in what they say. A compulsive liar may have a difficult time keeping their stories straight since they have injected so many lies into what they have told other people

Now that we have identified the problem, I think Its only fair we at least have a plan in place to make them snap out of it

Face the Truth

***Take some time to think about what you will say to a person who compulsively lies. You want to be gentle, yet stern and come to him in a way that might help him receive what you are saying. If you scream and shout at him, it won't help the situation. It will only stir up more strife.

***Talk to the person with the compulsive lying problem about different situations that occurred when you knew he was lying. You will need to present your proof so that he will have to face the truth. When you interact with the person who has compulsive lying issues, you will need to present the truth to him every time he lies to you about something. Doing this will help him to deal with his problem often, as well as help him to realize that, yes, he has a problem and that he really needs to make a decision about lying to people.

***Be patient with the person. More than likely, he did not become like this overnight. It will, therefore, take some time to get free from this problem if he is serious about it. So, if you truly feel that you want to help this person to get free from compulsive lying, you will definitely need patience as well as the heart and the grace to stick it out.

***Tell the person if he doesn't do something about it, you will not continue to be around him any longer because he is not only hurting himself, but others as well. Sometimes people decide to finally get serious about getting help when they know they will lose a valuable relationship.

***Leave the situation alone. If it becomes too much for you and the person is not doing anything about it, it just may be time to get away from it all. You cannot force people to get help. If he has the ability to make a decision and refuses to do so, no matter how hard you try to convince him, you will be spinning your wheels and helping him to hurt you even more in the process.

Well I could go on and on about this.. its so easy to point at another and say " Oh why did u do this" but its interesting to think "Oh this is why you did this". and to think 901 people have started 14 groups in facebook simply called "I HATE COMPULSIVE LIARS".. it means there is a quite a few out there who do serious damage without them actually realising the aftermath..and those who suffer at their hands are left heart broken and deceived.

I shall return to work now.. I have told RG I have an important meeting today where we are closing a multi million dollar deal and wont be able to attend to any calls today .. hey that not a compulsive lie that B****S***. ;)

Day 1- Mental Detention

While I was trying hard to make up my mind to teach them and I had given my fiancé` the whole and sole responsibility to train me then is when I had to have a fight with him!

So they had called me to teach in a school, International school! MIND IT!! Was going to teach the kids some English! Well, I wondered loud and in my mind if they required any training! “International” has a very reflective ring to it. Fiance` was bored of me continuously testing on him the various ways of imparting English grammar knowledge. There I was with my headset glued to my head, which I hate from the deepest depths of my heart, talking to him while he rests in his flat in Tufailand! It’s a rainy day outside, constant drizzle visible from the slide-in window screen fitted perfectly on my 6x5 windows. Its easy for him to say: Stay calm! Stay clam! As if I m a domestic animal being instructed to stay calm at the veterinarians’! Wish I could take him by his collar and shake him till he feels dizzy and shout on top of my voice into his ears, “It’s school kids for heavens sake and I’m the latest addition to the Community-of-the-paranoid.” But I cant do any of this, considering the fact that he is 6 feet above and I’m 5 feet above. I don’t degrade myself by trying to hurt giant mammoth creatures!

While I was in school I have reminiscence of hearing loud voices in my ears instructing me to do things in a particular manner, set by set, rule by rule, explanation of certain activities which adults want the kids to conduct there own ‘mature’ way and here again I could hear the voices in my head but this time the voices were of kids asking me questions from the word ‘go’ till the time I break my head against the wall asking for their mercy.

International School. I pondered and wondered. Aloud and silent. While I walked and while I talked. What do public schools produce as their product? Do non-international schools have kids with lesser brain? Or they cannot apply at the eminent higher educational bodies planet Earth boosts of? Or is it only the minor fact that International kids have International parents with International money!

There I was about to witness my doom when I heard another teacher in the lobby tell yet another one that some other International school takes 28 lacs for the 11th and 12th grades. After hearing this my above evaluation and analysis of the International schools with imbalanced parents solidified. Here they were. Mothers in shorts, hair coloured into blond and with the UK-returned accent. They paid special attention to their p, t, k accentuation.

I met a teacher who tried talking to me in the lift while the floor indicator blinked towards my floor of devastation. She quickly commented that I had a very UK accent and my mind reeled back to the lobby full of mani-pedi-westminster ladies. Was I being counted? Was I being complimented or complicated? I wish my head stopped thinking but if it stopped then I automatically would count myself as one of THEM. I needed a fire exit. An alarm had gone off in my head. They with their talks of EU holidays. They with their talks about wild African safari. They with their talks about having invited SRK for dinner wherein Gauri wore a pink sleeveless shirt which completely contrasted with her dainty tan.

I wished that I would find solace in my class and marched right into it.

I think I believe....

The first Friday every month we have an unwritten rule in our family that we all should attend the prayer meeting in our church followed by mass, all together a 5 hour affair. I know its not the ideal way to spend your weekend, but I guess its one of the last signs of discipline and order left in me so I follow without question.

Finding a parking in church can be a pain, but then its not as difficult as carrying the cross so I parked my car and walked towards the church making sure i checked in each and every mirror on the way that I was looking good.Yup! bro. you look amazing...So I finally reached church and went inside the crowded hall with people in every corner sitting and standing.The hall was near full capacity so I had to stand in whatever space available..another moment when I wished it would have been easier to pretend I was sick and watch TV, but common sense prevailed and I convinced myself not to think on those lines especially with swine flu, global job losses and traffic mortality on the increase. So I took my corner in the church and began to listen to the preacher. But I guess as with all people my age,well I am 25 I guess i can call myself a youth for another year. my mind began to wander.. wander like it I never knew possible.. thoughts about my next vacation, what my fiance would be doing now.. When I could get a seat, When it would be time to go, how do I make more money, why the women's area is so far from the men. Why the A/C is not working properly, have I lost weight, is my shirt tucked in properly.. this and that and my mind kept wandering, not listening to the words or the grace that filled the room..

I didn't hear most of the speeches but I physically i was participating with all the chants and the hymns and with all the raising of the hands and "Alleluia","Alleluia" echoing in the room, indeed it was a factory of grace where men were trying to grab Lords attention to direct his entire stock of grace and blessings towards this gathering who are here on a weekend to glorify his name.

Then after a hour and half or so, the preacher said " Let us pray for all those who have taken credit cards and loans and are now trying hard to come out of it"... In a fraction of a second I came out of all that I was thinking.. I guess during that whole session I would have not said "Alleluia" as loudly and honestly as I would have said in my entire life.. suddenly I was humble I was sincere. my thoughts were all directed towards the power of god to touch me,make a miracle happen, and wished so hard he would take away all my cards and a Pajero would replace my Corolla 2007..I pushed to make space for myself ( point to be noted I am not a small man)to kneel and raise my hands to pray..in the darkness of the room I saw all these hands raised pleading and through it all I saw the light directed on the cross which was the centre of attention,the chants of praise kept increasing louder and louder grace was showering on this gathering as it does on every first Friday..As the entire gathering there would believe, the Big Sale of grace was on and everyone there wanted a piece of it.. everyone wanted to be saved to be touched to be uplifted.. People cried, people called out in agony.. the Bazaar of salvation of these men and women had opened.. and I was in it full on without letting my mind or heart divert even for a second..

While driving back I thought to myself, Man always turns to god when he knows the situation he is in is beyond his control, when he knows he cant do anything about it but wants results fast he calls out to that power above.We all change when we know theres something in it for us. We all want something out of someone or something.. whether is time, money, a helping hand and to some extent even love..we give happiness to get happiness, we get pain when we give pain. We love someone in the belief that they do the same. We help someone hoping that someday that favour will be returned in some way or another. We spend money on the best deals.. I guess thats the complexity of the human mind and I guess thats where the role of god or ones belief in god is so vital, it makes him realise that no matter how much he might have progressed in intellect or power, wisdom or social status, unless he accepts there is someone looking over him charting his start and his end. his road of life will be filled with trails and turbulence.

As one once said...Remember this. When people choose to withdraw far from a fire, the fire continues to give warmth, but they grow cold. When people choose to withdraw far from light, the light continues to be bright in itself but they are in darkness. This is also the case when people withdraw from God.

Je suis desole Petit frère

"It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea. ~Dylan Thomas"

Sibling's..Is there anyone among us who hasn't sometimes wondered.. "Now how did he or she land here?... couldn't he have been born in Swaziland or Timbuktu? We sometimes feel we cant live with them and most often realise we can't live without them.

If god made man in his own image, I believe siblings have been made as an inverted reflection of who we are. I think the greatest challenge in handling sibling relations is that they know exactly how we think and sometimes even at the same pace, so theres no way we can dodge them. We abuse, curse, kick and swear to kill each other.. and yet we adore, love them so much that we want to be part of everything they do and we wish always the best for each other. I sometimes think I wont ever forgive my sibling when he hurts me but some incidents in life change the way we think and its during these moments we realise how short life is and there is no time and space to hate someone especially the one who is part of "You Inc."

My dads cousins were not on speaking terms for almost 2 years.. Somethings had terribly gone wrong between the brother and sister and they never found the time and need to sit across the table and talk they had their "own" lives to think about, children to raise, spouse to please, and were running the rat race called life.. so the strain in their relation kept deepening and deepening.. In 2007 uncle was diagnosed with cancer.. and he was battling against it.. His sister was shocked and at the same time felt guilty that she never made the attempt to talk it out.. but the damage had already been done.. He was adamant that he would not take the sympathy or love from anyone who wasn't there in his good days and he continued to fight against the deadly disease.. but after a year of struggle he was loosing the battle.. In 2008 May as I stood in the hospital seeing a man in his early 40s inching towards death.. waiting when his eyes would close and overlooked by a family who worried that if he did close his eyes he would never open them again..I saw what life can do to you if you don't value the people around you.. Standing in the corner of the room was his sister crying her heart out.. she had been in that room for almost a day now and her brother didn't even look at her.. she tried to hold his hand but he turned his head away.. she wanted to speak to him but he had nothing more to say.. What could you possibly tell a man who was in his last hours and what would a man tell his sister when he is leaving this world.. words like "sorry", "I love you", "if only", "i didn't mean it "and so on suddenly mean nothing.. and you wish if you get back those lost moments .But you as much as I do that what is gone is gone.. and so did uncle.. leaving behind a sister who will forever live in the pain that she couldn't hear her brother say.. its OK!, I forgive you.. Is there a greater pain than that..

So no matter what.. I have decided , even if my bro knocks me off or I knock him off I would go up to him and say.. hey bro! so hows your life so whats on TV bro.. and he would say cant u see and I would say to my self (feels great to be back.. I love u man..)

Lapse

the unforgettable cresant moon,
the blemishes on a face,
the questions of an eternity.
she tells me to wait and mind my mind,
my mind is lost,
much above the world,
a world of living demons disguised in white veils.
they blame me for the stars,
stars; eliptical journey laid.
the journey to the end of the universe,
blamed me for eternity thus.
our visions are blurred,
we have fake glasses,
lens with a hole,
hole in the heart made.
she silently sits,
corner she holds dear,
facing the wall; punished.
searching the missing lines on her wrinkled palm.
sisters across time,
time moves ahead yet remains behind,
I run after the time gone by,
while she chases the future.