I think I believe....

The first Friday every month we have an unwritten rule in our family that we all should attend the prayer meeting in our church followed by mass, all together a 5 hour affair. I know its not the ideal way to spend your weekend, but I guess its one of the last signs of discipline and order left in me so I follow without question.

Finding a parking in church can be a pain, but then its not as difficult as carrying the cross so I parked my car and walked towards the church making sure i checked in each and every mirror on the way that I was looking good.Yup! bro. you look amazing...So I finally reached church and went inside the crowded hall with people in every corner sitting and standing.The hall was near full capacity so I had to stand in whatever space available..another moment when I wished it would have been easier to pretend I was sick and watch TV, but common sense prevailed and I convinced myself not to think on those lines especially with swine flu, global job losses and traffic mortality on the increase. So I took my corner in the church and began to listen to the preacher. But I guess as with all people my age,well I am 25 I guess i can call myself a youth for another year. my mind began to wander.. wander like it I never knew possible.. thoughts about my next vacation, what my fiance would be doing now.. When I could get a seat, When it would be time to go, how do I make more money, why the women's area is so far from the men. Why the A/C is not working properly, have I lost weight, is my shirt tucked in properly.. this and that and my mind kept wandering, not listening to the words or the grace that filled the room..

I didn't hear most of the speeches but I physically i was participating with all the chants and the hymns and with all the raising of the hands and "Alleluia","Alleluia" echoing in the room, indeed it was a factory of grace where men were trying to grab Lords attention to direct his entire stock of grace and blessings towards this gathering who are here on a weekend to glorify his name.

Then after a hour and half or so, the preacher said " Let us pray for all those who have taken credit cards and loans and are now trying hard to come out of it"... In a fraction of a second I came out of all that I was thinking.. I guess during that whole session I would have not said "Alleluia" as loudly and honestly as I would have said in my entire life.. suddenly I was humble I was sincere. my thoughts were all directed towards the power of god to touch me,make a miracle happen, and wished so hard he would take away all my cards and a Pajero would replace my Corolla 2007..I pushed to make space for myself ( point to be noted I am not a small man)to kneel and raise my hands to pray..in the darkness of the room I saw all these hands raised pleading and through it all I saw the light directed on the cross which was the centre of attention,the chants of praise kept increasing louder and louder grace was showering on this gathering as it does on every first Friday..As the entire gathering there would believe, the Big Sale of grace was on and everyone there wanted a piece of it.. everyone wanted to be saved to be touched to be uplifted.. People cried, people called out in agony.. the Bazaar of salvation of these men and women had opened.. and I was in it full on without letting my mind or heart divert even for a second..

While driving back I thought to myself, Man always turns to god when he knows the situation he is in is beyond his control, when he knows he cant do anything about it but wants results fast he calls out to that power above.We all change when we know theres something in it for us. We all want something out of someone or something.. whether is time, money, a helping hand and to some extent even love..we give happiness to get happiness, we get pain when we give pain. We love someone in the belief that they do the same. We help someone hoping that someday that favour will be returned in some way or another. We spend money on the best deals.. I guess thats the complexity of the human mind and I guess thats where the role of god or ones belief in god is so vital, it makes him realise that no matter how much he might have progressed in intellect or power, wisdom or social status, unless he accepts there is someone looking over him charting his start and his end. his road of life will be filled with trails and turbulence.

As one once said...Remember this. When people choose to withdraw far from a fire, the fire continues to give warmth, but they grow cold. When people choose to withdraw far from light, the light continues to be bright in itself but they are in darkness. This is also the case when people withdraw from God.

Je suis desole Petit frère

"It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea. ~Dylan Thomas"

Sibling's..Is there anyone among us who hasn't sometimes wondered.. "Now how did he or she land here?... couldn't he have been born in Swaziland or Timbuktu? We sometimes feel we cant live with them and most often realise we can't live without them.

If god made man in his own image, I believe siblings have been made as an inverted reflection of who we are. I think the greatest challenge in handling sibling relations is that they know exactly how we think and sometimes even at the same pace, so theres no way we can dodge them. We abuse, curse, kick and swear to kill each other.. and yet we adore, love them so much that we want to be part of everything they do and we wish always the best for each other. I sometimes think I wont ever forgive my sibling when he hurts me but some incidents in life change the way we think and its during these moments we realise how short life is and there is no time and space to hate someone especially the one who is part of "You Inc."

My dads cousins were not on speaking terms for almost 2 years.. Somethings had terribly gone wrong between the brother and sister and they never found the time and need to sit across the table and talk they had their "own" lives to think about, children to raise, spouse to please, and were running the rat race called life.. so the strain in their relation kept deepening and deepening.. In 2007 uncle was diagnosed with cancer.. and he was battling against it.. His sister was shocked and at the same time felt guilty that she never made the attempt to talk it out.. but the damage had already been done.. He was adamant that he would not take the sympathy or love from anyone who wasn't there in his good days and he continued to fight against the deadly disease.. but after a year of struggle he was loosing the battle.. In 2008 May as I stood in the hospital seeing a man in his early 40s inching towards death.. waiting when his eyes would close and overlooked by a family who worried that if he did close his eyes he would never open them again..I saw what life can do to you if you don't value the people around you.. Standing in the corner of the room was his sister crying her heart out.. she had been in that room for almost a day now and her brother didn't even look at her.. she tried to hold his hand but he turned his head away.. she wanted to speak to him but he had nothing more to say.. What could you possibly tell a man who was in his last hours and what would a man tell his sister when he is leaving this world.. words like "sorry", "I love you", "if only", "i didn't mean it "and so on suddenly mean nothing.. and you wish if you get back those lost moments .But you as much as I do that what is gone is gone.. and so did uncle.. leaving behind a sister who will forever live in the pain that she couldn't hear her brother say.. its OK!, I forgive you.. Is there a greater pain than that..

So no matter what.. I have decided , even if my bro knocks me off or I knock him off I would go up to him and say.. hey bro! so hows your life so whats on TV bro.. and he would say cant u see and I would say to my self (feels great to be back.. I love u man..)

Lapse

the unforgettable cresant moon,
the blemishes on a face,
the questions of an eternity.
she tells me to wait and mind my mind,
my mind is lost,
much above the world,
a world of living demons disguised in white veils.
they blame me for the stars,
stars; eliptical journey laid.
the journey to the end of the universe,
blamed me for eternity thus.
our visions are blurred,
we have fake glasses,
lens with a hole,
hole in the heart made.
she silently sits,
corner she holds dear,
facing the wall; punished.
searching the missing lines on her wrinkled palm.
sisters across time,
time moves ahead yet remains behind,
I run after the time gone by,
while she chases the future.

TLRIUETSH*

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.”- Richard Bach

I was watching this new "reality show" on cable the other day called "Saach ka Samna ( Facing the truth), inspired from the even popular show called " The moment of truth" ,an interesting concept where participants have to keep their pride and perhaps even their peaceful lives at stake all in the quest to face the truth and of course in the process pocket as much of the prize money as possible.When the truth begins to crush them and it becomes to much for them to handle they run with whatever pride and money they have. Questions about sexuality, Chasity, modesty, honesty in marriage, work, troubled pasts, disturbed relationships all that you wished the world should never know is all on display on this 1 hour show.

I guess the biggest selling point of the show is the question we all ask our selves at least once in a while "IS TRUTH, HONESTY AND TRANSPARENCY REALLY WORTH IT??" is there space in this world for an completely honest individual. Could one get all that he or she desired if she had chosen to be honest at some stage of life?..Isn't it best to just keep that mask we have on us, mix a pinch or maybe a teaspoon of lies with the other ingredients in our life ? The way where you can keep all happy and at the same time get all you want. Would we ever be able to digest the truth that the individual has to say, no matter how much we love or care them? are we as humans really prepared to face the truth?.. I guess not and perhaps we may never be because how much ever we may accept the sad facts of life and move on.. the thought of " if only", "but why" will continue. We are just not programmed to accept that what we thought we knew is not what is and what we thought we saw was just a mirage.

I guess we all in some stage of our life accept that some truths are best left untouched unseen and unheard.. its best to believe that not all in life is not as it may seem on paper.. the more you search for the truth the more you hurt your selves. Choosing between whats right and whats true is a difficult choice. Being right is never the same as being true.. What we do and say in certain circumstances and situations in life may be right but its never the truth. At the end of the day, if a lie can bring a smile, a hope, a dream.. If a lie could make you believe what you wish for.. don't you think it ok to mix a little?..

I leave you with this thought as a cautionary notice, Always remember
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes”
- words from Mark Twain

* Oh ya that meant Truth in lies..

In introspection...

"I exist" I know, "I exist",

Yes I know that.

But Ithis experience - what is its objective?

What is its meaning?

Millions like me have seen it and departed,

None comprehending why they came to be.

None grasped the source,

Without understanding they passed away..

Tell life, what are you, my dear friend!

A bundle of emotions?

Tell me who are you? What are you, my friend?

Now dont run away without giving the answer.

You sit behind veils

Do reveal a bit of yourself..

What is this life? Tell me..

If life this round circle?

Should I know it simply as one flash?

Where did you all come from? Why?

What did you come for?

Women's existence is the key question in the modern woman's mind. The above lines may carry a feminist voice and so do I but a world where "He" is the subject, he is the Absolute... she is the Other. Such voices and opinions are bound to surface even in todays times when the educated class considers itself on par with the other or the opposite gender! Woman has always been man's dependent, if not his slave; the two sexes have never shared the world in equality. Even today woman is heavily handicapped, though her situation has been uplifted to a very large extent. Even when her rights are legally recognised in the abstract, long standing customs prevent their full expression in the more. In the economic sphere men and women can almost be said to make up two castes; other things being equal. The former holds better jobs, gets higher wages and has more opportunity for success than their competitors. In industry and politics they have acquired more positions and they monopolize the most important posts. In addition to all this, they enjoy a traditional prestige that the education of children tends in every way to support, for teh present enshrines the past - and in the past all history has been made by men. Well, some of these notions may be right and some may be wrong but what we require are women who can put their foot forward down firmly on certain issues and decisions and take self-planned actions rather than depending on anyone, for woman alone can understand the height, length, depth and breath of her own degeneration.

There can be considered to be two kinds of utopias- 'utopias of escape' and ' utopias of reconstruction'. The first leaves the eternal world the way it is, the second sort seeks to change it so that one may have intercourse with it on one's own terms.

Women today should belong to the second utopia if she wishes to see change. She should be literate to be empowered. Empowerment means new ways of thinking and new perspectives on existing information. It means to be able to constructively express their talents and give direction to their attitudes which anble them to lead a more fulfilling and satisfying life.

Even from the psycho-sociological point of view it is more through the education of women than through the education of men that changes in attitudes and behaviour necessary for a better adaptation to the modern world is achieved.

Confessions of a forced workaholic

Sitting in my office on a weekend at a time when everyone around me is either spending time at home and having fun or are watching a weekend movie, I think this is the right time and perhaps the perfect situtation to explain "How one can survive in a job you dont love".

Before we actually analyse how to survive in a job we hate its more important to understand when do u realise you are no longer in love with your job.

a. You look at your calendar and count to the weekend or nearest holiday, once in every 45 minutes.

b. You take longer lunch breaks, to finally talk to all your colleagues.

c. Each time you get a new assignment instead of saying "What fun!!", you end up murmuring "What the f*$#!!".

d. As soon as someone gives you a miss call you are ready to put down all your work and return the call even if its a number you have never seen. The same is applicable for personal emails.

e. When you do a job in 12 hours what you would normally do in 12 minutes.

f. When all of a sudden coming late to office is not such a bad thing, though leaving late is.

g. When you are not bothered if the salary has come to your bank or not.

h. When you feel like reading the online newspaper every 4 hours. though you usually wouldnt read a newspaper even if someone hit you with it.

i. When your boss or colleague asks for your assistance instead of saying Why not! u say Why me!!

There are just so many signs.. but hey if I will tell you all of them, it would be just so obivious how I am feeling now..

So the all important question is, how does one manage to stay afloat .. well since I have told you all this, do you think I will leave without telling you that too?

So here are some of the ways to maintain your sanity and ofcourse your job.

a. Make a "Things to do before I quit" list

Whether you like doing this or not, its really a fruitful activity to first write down all the job assigments your are supposed to complete in the near and distant future and keep striking it off as you complete it with aggression. This way you not only satisfy your self and your employer that you are working but also manage to pull through another day.

b. Find time for food, water and loo

Whether we realise it or not, its for the above necessities that we actually take up the task of making a living yet we are so engrossed with work that we forget or dont give it sufficent importance. Find time to have food on time, drink plenty of water and you know the rest. It keeps the mind fresh and

c. Help the "apprentice"

In every organization there would be a new guy, a trainee or apprentice. Find time to help him in his work, give him some tips, check and double check his work. This gives you the sense of satisfaction that you have been of use to someone, and believe me he would always acknowledge it.

d. Smile, Smile, Smile

Life is tough, life is unfair..... but that is no reason to walk around with a face that looks like you lost all your money in the stock market. So what if today is a bit dark, human race has survived only on the hope for tomorrow.. So smile at your colleagues and not spread negative energy.

e. Be Loyal, Be fair

So you might not like your job, but that doesnt mean you show it on your job, convince your self that each stumble is a step towards something better. The worst is over and the best is yet to come.

f. Talk to your self

This is perhaps the last step, once you have pulled as far as you can go, talk to yourself and decide what you both want. No friend, colleague, parent can guide you sometimes better than that person you see in the mirror

and when all the above and some which you have also discovered failed, then write that painful letter with complete honesty and exit gracefully.

Yatra Mozhi- The Journey

A wise lady once told me change is most permanent thing in life,
Hope she realised how difficult it is to let go of the past and move on.
The future looks so bright, so nice and perfect,
though my heart fears if this is another reflection, mirage or illusion.
Its never easy to say goodbye and move on,
it never was and it will never be.
I wont say goodbye,
because this is not the end but just the beginning,
but i will say that it was really great to have known you,
its been the experience of a lifetime to have shared this place we call our work
to have laughed, learnt, laboured together.
All i can say guys is thank you, sorry and will miss you.

Come walk with me

Come walk me along the shore of my life,

Come walk with me..

When I frown seein the tides of life bring down the dreams, hopes and aspirations i built,

be the first to help me build it back again,

be the first to tell me we will make it stronger this time,

be the first to say I am with you forever.

When i stand by the shore line with doubt and fear,

worried how the vast challenges of life will treat me,

Smile and hold my hand and tell me.. if we are together, we cant go wrong.

Come.. walk with me into the sea of life and I promise I wont let go...

When I say the rays of hardships and burden is making me weak

and I look at you with tired eyes and dropping shoulders,

Take me to a shelter, cool and secure,

to sit and talk.. to make me feel better,

to tell me that these rays will pass and we will see showers of joy soon..

To laugh, play, hug, run, eat, dine along this beautiful shore we make our own,

to cry and hold each other from drowin in the sea of sorrow and anxiety,

To scream at the sea and whisper in each others ears.. our dreams, fantasies and endless wishes of a life together.

And when the sun sets on this shore as I hold you in my arms.. and see you have become tired I shall whisper to you.. Its been a long day,you need rest,

Come walk with me..............

Confessions of a lover

Girls have a method to get what they desire. They knw how to look beautiful for the one they love and disguise the flaws by acting cute and innocent. Its a very feminine quality thought now a days males seem to be given it a try as well. I guess that the metro-male has become conscious of his dark or fair skin and uses his assets accordingly. Girls never approach anything untill they know for sure that they'll have it entirely to themselves. And they never beg and cry for it while boys take everything emotion very seriously. Who says that guys dont use their heart? I guess in todays world guys use their heart more than girls and this even takes a toll over them. Lovestruck is the perfect word to describe the long wait and long looks. Guys are surrounded by various astounding factors which keep them thinking all the while... does she love me or does she not!!... girls like to keep them confused. Guys always try to make the female for whom they are head over heals believe that he is not like the others whom she has seen earlier.. then they try hard to give her complete assurance that he knows what he is doing.. there is another round of making sure that he has explained anything and everything and has given his female a complete picture so that they dont complain later and lastly they try to make sure that the female always has a good impression or opinion about the guy... In short guys think they are smart... well!! In my personal opinion they waste their time thinking that they are smart because afterall girls always know whats on their mind, her guy or someone elses'.
Guys try hard to keep the female interested in them... if they dont ... my advice is please do... untill and unless you are trying to avoid her! which is another possibility which again the female would come to know any which ways.
Well initially the guy wants to leave the dorr open for the girl to leave if she finds him uncomfortable to be with but then there comes transition. All this nice boy feeling goes for a toss when he starts getting obsessive and possessive about her. Understanding females can be easy as well as difficult. Firstly they talk till the guy understands that she likes him and then when he realises it finally she starts acting a bit distant so that his level of obsession and possessiveness increases. Thus, after a while his need to talk increases, his desire that she should miss him while he is not around also increases. But the situation is vis versa where the guy misses the girl even if he is away or she is away. I wont say that the feeling of missing is not prominent in the female yet it is more in the male. In short males are more emotional than females. females can curb their feelings but males cant. In a pull to keep her attracted to them guys come up with everythg that remain as special memories for the females... Have you ever thought why do guys give flowers to females?? why do all the movies show teh guy showering gifts over the female? Why during valentines days guys have to get something special for their female? Its not because its a man's job because now-a-days even girls give flowers to their guys.. Its just because guys are always on teh run to make their position in the females life firm enough for him to float easily later. Now the word "float" has many strings attached to it.
Males are in continuous fear that the female might leave them... those who are not in the fear their light of love blows off very soon and very easily. Because their desire to keep the female interested in them and the same efforts from the females is what develops the chemistry and the physics of the relationship. A little fear of lose is very essential to keep a relation alive. Males have a tendency to oscillate in the feeling of does she love me..does she not. Problem is when guys dont understand what to expect from love! it would be a relief if men realise that love is not something one can have in a capsule but an unlimited EDI... (TT says it so assertively that i feel like double checking if what i say is right!)
Now once the fear of lose subsides there is another stage which emerges. In this stage all the emotions are arranged as per priority considering the pros and cons in them. From here on starts the new chapter. This period is that of trust building and complete commitment to the relationship.This stage makes one loose all the prior fear and emerge with a confident and a well organised relation. From here on one tends to forget each others minus' and starts considering the plus'. One starts loving the person with the flaws and faults. After this starts the link is sealed and begins the period where we start taking each other for granted. We start taking each other for granted forgetting the effort, love, passion and commitment and most of the pain one went through towards brining this relation to a level it has reached today. Suddenly one day we sit up, clear our dreamy eyes and realise that this is not the way it was supposed to be. We understand that the person in question here, who is under our vigilant petrolling eyes is worth much more in our lives and all the rights and wrongs dont really matter. Then again we sit and alter our list of whats expected and whats not and we make sure that this list as well is not final and we keep altering and modifyng it and then on never wait for an issue to surface. Then keep love as a framework to develop our friendship our camradrie and make sure that the person you love is also our best friend and if situation requires then that person as well becomes your own enemy because that person will criticize you to the core but you should understand why she says whatever she did. Here, now one accepts whats right and tries to analyse if its wrong. Thus, we should keep spreading the frame of love and plant whatever you want in it and pluck away a little bitter memories and replace them with the truck load of sweet memories.

The pic which made me think

Life is too short for the wrong Job!!!....

Recently I saw a picture which really made me think.. I want to share it with u guys...