Lapse

the unforgettable cresant moon,
the blemishes on a face,
the questions of an eternity.
she tells me to wait and mind my mind,
my mind is lost,
much above the world,
a world of living demons disguised in white veils.
they blame me for the stars,
stars; eliptical journey laid.
the journey to the end of the universe,
blamed me for eternity thus.
our visions are blurred,
we have fake glasses,
lens with a hole,
hole in the heart made.
she silently sits,
corner she holds dear,
facing the wall; punished.
searching the missing lines on her wrinkled palm.
sisters across time,
time moves ahead yet remains behind,
I run after the time gone by,
while she chases the future.

TLRIUETSH*

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.”- Richard Bach

I was watching this new "reality show" on cable the other day called "Saach ka Samna ( Facing the truth), inspired from the even popular show called " The moment of truth" ,an interesting concept where participants have to keep their pride and perhaps even their peaceful lives at stake all in the quest to face the truth and of course in the process pocket as much of the prize money as possible.When the truth begins to crush them and it becomes to much for them to handle they run with whatever pride and money they have. Questions about sexuality, Chasity, modesty, honesty in marriage, work, troubled pasts, disturbed relationships all that you wished the world should never know is all on display on this 1 hour show.

I guess the biggest selling point of the show is the question we all ask our selves at least once in a while "IS TRUTH, HONESTY AND TRANSPARENCY REALLY WORTH IT??" is there space in this world for an completely honest individual. Could one get all that he or she desired if she had chosen to be honest at some stage of life?..Isn't it best to just keep that mask we have on us, mix a pinch or maybe a teaspoon of lies with the other ingredients in our life ? The way where you can keep all happy and at the same time get all you want. Would we ever be able to digest the truth that the individual has to say, no matter how much we love or care them? are we as humans really prepared to face the truth?.. I guess not and perhaps we may never be because how much ever we may accept the sad facts of life and move on.. the thought of " if only", "but why" will continue. We are just not programmed to accept that what we thought we knew is not what is and what we thought we saw was just a mirage.

I guess we all in some stage of our life accept that some truths are best left untouched unseen and unheard.. its best to believe that not all in life is not as it may seem on paper.. the more you search for the truth the more you hurt your selves. Choosing between whats right and whats true is a difficult choice. Being right is never the same as being true.. What we do and say in certain circumstances and situations in life may be right but its never the truth. At the end of the day, if a lie can bring a smile, a hope, a dream.. If a lie could make you believe what you wish for.. don't you think it ok to mix a little?..

I leave you with this thought as a cautionary notice, Always remember
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes”
- words from Mark Twain

* Oh ya that meant Truth in lies..

In introspection...

"I exist" I know, "I exist",

Yes I know that.

But Ithis experience - what is its objective?

What is its meaning?

Millions like me have seen it and departed,

None comprehending why they came to be.

None grasped the source,

Without understanding they passed away..

Tell life, what are you, my dear friend!

A bundle of emotions?

Tell me who are you? What are you, my friend?

Now dont run away without giving the answer.

You sit behind veils

Do reveal a bit of yourself..

What is this life? Tell me..

If life this round circle?

Should I know it simply as one flash?

Where did you all come from? Why?

What did you come for?

Women's existence is the key question in the modern woman's mind. The above lines may carry a feminist voice and so do I but a world where "He" is the subject, he is the Absolute... she is the Other. Such voices and opinions are bound to surface even in todays times when the educated class considers itself on par with the other or the opposite gender! Woman has always been man's dependent, if not his slave; the two sexes have never shared the world in equality. Even today woman is heavily handicapped, though her situation has been uplifted to a very large extent. Even when her rights are legally recognised in the abstract, long standing customs prevent their full expression in the more. In the economic sphere men and women can almost be said to make up two castes; other things being equal. The former holds better jobs, gets higher wages and has more opportunity for success than their competitors. In industry and politics they have acquired more positions and they monopolize the most important posts. In addition to all this, they enjoy a traditional prestige that the education of children tends in every way to support, for teh present enshrines the past - and in the past all history has been made by men. Well, some of these notions may be right and some may be wrong but what we require are women who can put their foot forward down firmly on certain issues and decisions and take self-planned actions rather than depending on anyone, for woman alone can understand the height, length, depth and breath of her own degeneration.

There can be considered to be two kinds of utopias- 'utopias of escape' and ' utopias of reconstruction'. The first leaves the eternal world the way it is, the second sort seeks to change it so that one may have intercourse with it on one's own terms.

Women today should belong to the second utopia if she wishes to see change. She should be literate to be empowered. Empowerment means new ways of thinking and new perspectives on existing information. It means to be able to constructively express their talents and give direction to their attitudes which anble them to lead a more fulfilling and satisfying life.

Even from the psycho-sociological point of view it is more through the education of women than through the education of men that changes in attitudes and behaviour necessary for a better adaptation to the modern world is achieved.

Confessions of a forced workaholic

Sitting in my office on a weekend at a time when everyone around me is either spending time at home and having fun or are watching a weekend movie, I think this is the right time and perhaps the perfect situtation to explain "How one can survive in a job you dont love".

Before we actually analyse how to survive in a job we hate its more important to understand when do u realise you are no longer in love with your job.

a. You look at your calendar and count to the weekend or nearest holiday, once in every 45 minutes.

b. You take longer lunch breaks, to finally talk to all your colleagues.

c. Each time you get a new assignment instead of saying "What fun!!", you end up murmuring "What the f*$#!!".

d. As soon as someone gives you a miss call you are ready to put down all your work and return the call even if its a number you have never seen. The same is applicable for personal emails.

e. When you do a job in 12 hours what you would normally do in 12 minutes.

f. When all of a sudden coming late to office is not such a bad thing, though leaving late is.

g. When you are not bothered if the salary has come to your bank or not.

h. When you feel like reading the online newspaper every 4 hours. though you usually wouldnt read a newspaper even if someone hit you with it.

i. When your boss or colleague asks for your assistance instead of saying Why not! u say Why me!!

There are just so many signs.. but hey if I will tell you all of them, it would be just so obivious how I am feeling now..

So the all important question is, how does one manage to stay afloat .. well since I have told you all this, do you think I will leave without telling you that too?

So here are some of the ways to maintain your sanity and ofcourse your job.

a. Make a "Things to do before I quit" list

Whether you like doing this or not, its really a fruitful activity to first write down all the job assigments your are supposed to complete in the near and distant future and keep striking it off as you complete it with aggression. This way you not only satisfy your self and your employer that you are working but also manage to pull through another day.

b. Find time for food, water and loo

Whether we realise it or not, its for the above necessities that we actually take up the task of making a living yet we are so engrossed with work that we forget or dont give it sufficent importance. Find time to have food on time, drink plenty of water and you know the rest. It keeps the mind fresh and

c. Help the "apprentice"

In every organization there would be a new guy, a trainee or apprentice. Find time to help him in his work, give him some tips, check and double check his work. This gives you the sense of satisfaction that you have been of use to someone, and believe me he would always acknowledge it.

d. Smile, Smile, Smile

Life is tough, life is unfair..... but that is no reason to walk around with a face that looks like you lost all your money in the stock market. So what if today is a bit dark, human race has survived only on the hope for tomorrow.. So smile at your colleagues and not spread negative energy.

e. Be Loyal, Be fair

So you might not like your job, but that doesnt mean you show it on your job, convince your self that each stumble is a step towards something better. The worst is over and the best is yet to come.

f. Talk to your self

This is perhaps the last step, once you have pulled as far as you can go, talk to yourself and decide what you both want. No friend, colleague, parent can guide you sometimes better than that person you see in the mirror

and when all the above and some which you have also discovered failed, then write that painful letter with complete honesty and exit gracefully.

Yatra Mozhi- The Journey

A wise lady once told me change is most permanent thing in life,
Hope she realised how difficult it is to let go of the past and move on.
The future looks so bright, so nice and perfect,
though my heart fears if this is another reflection, mirage or illusion.
Its never easy to say goodbye and move on,
it never was and it will never be.
I wont say goodbye,
because this is not the end but just the beginning,
but i will say that it was really great to have known you,
its been the experience of a lifetime to have shared this place we call our work
to have laughed, learnt, laboured together.
All i can say guys is thank you, sorry and will miss you.

Come walk with me

Come walk me along the shore of my life,

Come walk with me..

When I frown seein the tides of life bring down the dreams, hopes and aspirations i built,

be the first to help me build it back again,

be the first to tell me we will make it stronger this time,

be the first to say I am with you forever.

When i stand by the shore line with doubt and fear,

worried how the vast challenges of life will treat me,

Smile and hold my hand and tell me.. if we are together, we cant go wrong.

Come.. walk with me into the sea of life and I promise I wont let go...

When I say the rays of hardships and burden is making me weak

and I look at you with tired eyes and dropping shoulders,

Take me to a shelter, cool and secure,

to sit and talk.. to make me feel better,

to tell me that these rays will pass and we will see showers of joy soon..

To laugh, play, hug, run, eat, dine along this beautiful shore we make our own,

to cry and hold each other from drowin in the sea of sorrow and anxiety,

To scream at the sea and whisper in each others ears.. our dreams, fantasies and endless wishes of a life together.

And when the sun sets on this shore as I hold you in my arms.. and see you have become tired I shall whisper to you.. Its been a long day,you need rest,

Come walk with me..............

Confessions of a lover

Girls have a method to get what they desire. They knw how to look beautiful for the one they love and disguise the flaws by acting cute and innocent. Its a very feminine quality thought now a days males seem to be given it a try as well. I guess that the metro-male has become conscious of his dark or fair skin and uses his assets accordingly. Girls never approach anything untill they know for sure that they'll have it entirely to themselves. And they never beg and cry for it while boys take everything emotion very seriously. Who says that guys dont use their heart? I guess in todays world guys use their heart more than girls and this even takes a toll over them. Lovestruck is the perfect word to describe the long wait and long looks. Guys are surrounded by various astounding factors which keep them thinking all the while... does she love me or does she not!!... girls like to keep them confused. Guys always try to make the female for whom they are head over heals believe that he is not like the others whom she has seen earlier.. then they try hard to give her complete assurance that he knows what he is doing.. there is another round of making sure that he has explained anything and everything and has given his female a complete picture so that they dont complain later and lastly they try to make sure that the female always has a good impression or opinion about the guy... In short guys think they are smart... well!! In my personal opinion they waste their time thinking that they are smart because afterall girls always know whats on their mind, her guy or someone elses'.
Guys try hard to keep the female interested in them... if they dont ... my advice is please do... untill and unless you are trying to avoid her! which is another possibility which again the female would come to know any which ways.
Well initially the guy wants to leave the dorr open for the girl to leave if she finds him uncomfortable to be with but then there comes transition. All this nice boy feeling goes for a toss when he starts getting obsessive and possessive about her. Understanding females can be easy as well as difficult. Firstly they talk till the guy understands that she likes him and then when he realises it finally she starts acting a bit distant so that his level of obsession and possessiveness increases. Thus, after a while his need to talk increases, his desire that she should miss him while he is not around also increases. But the situation is vis versa where the guy misses the girl even if he is away or she is away. I wont say that the feeling of missing is not prominent in the female yet it is more in the male. In short males are more emotional than females. females can curb their feelings but males cant. In a pull to keep her attracted to them guys come up with everythg that remain as special memories for the females... Have you ever thought why do guys give flowers to females?? why do all the movies show teh guy showering gifts over the female? Why during valentines days guys have to get something special for their female? Its not because its a man's job because now-a-days even girls give flowers to their guys.. Its just because guys are always on teh run to make their position in the females life firm enough for him to float easily later. Now the word "float" has many strings attached to it.
Males are in continuous fear that the female might leave them... those who are not in the fear their light of love blows off very soon and very easily. Because their desire to keep the female interested in them and the same efforts from the females is what develops the chemistry and the physics of the relationship. A little fear of lose is very essential to keep a relation alive. Males have a tendency to oscillate in the feeling of does she love me..does she not. Problem is when guys dont understand what to expect from love! it would be a relief if men realise that love is not something one can have in a capsule but an unlimited EDI... (TT says it so assertively that i feel like double checking if what i say is right!)
Now once the fear of lose subsides there is another stage which emerges. In this stage all the emotions are arranged as per priority considering the pros and cons in them. From here on starts the new chapter. This period is that of trust building and complete commitment to the relationship.This stage makes one loose all the prior fear and emerge with a confident and a well organised relation. From here on one tends to forget each others minus' and starts considering the plus'. One starts loving the person with the flaws and faults. After this starts the link is sealed and begins the period where we start taking each other for granted. We start taking each other for granted forgetting the effort, love, passion and commitment and most of the pain one went through towards brining this relation to a level it has reached today. Suddenly one day we sit up, clear our dreamy eyes and realise that this is not the way it was supposed to be. We understand that the person in question here, who is under our vigilant petrolling eyes is worth much more in our lives and all the rights and wrongs dont really matter. Then again we sit and alter our list of whats expected and whats not and we make sure that this list as well is not final and we keep altering and modifyng it and then on never wait for an issue to surface. Then keep love as a framework to develop our friendship our camradrie and make sure that the person you love is also our best friend and if situation requires then that person as well becomes your own enemy because that person will criticize you to the core but you should understand why she says whatever she did. Here, now one accepts whats right and tries to analyse if its wrong. Thus, we should keep spreading the frame of love and plant whatever you want in it and pluck away a little bitter memories and replace them with the truck load of sweet memories.

The pic which made me think

Life is too short for the wrong Job!!!....

Recently I saw a picture which really made me think.. I want to share it with u guys...

Someday we will meet in paradise

As I walked into my office today, my colleague M told me, “Hey I read your blog on X28. I was really able to relate with it”, “Dil ko choo lia!” ( touched my heart) and made a gesture with his hands as if he was wiping his tears. Though at that moment it might have seemed that he was making fun of me, I could see that I had written something which did touch his heart in a small way and hey I was happy..

The greatest flaw I have as a Capricorn is that I crave so much for attention and recognition. It gives me the kind of drive that pushes me to do more. If only I could pay my credit card bills with it, I would have worked forever for free.

Today was one of the days when everything was going right. The kind of day when you feel you are the master of your own destiny. The kind of day when you love your life. The kind of day you make everybody proud. The day you finally see light at the end of the tunnel. The kind of day when you are in the office and you know for sure that you can shutdown your PC by 6:00pm. The kind of day when you know that you absolutely cant go wrong..

So sitting in X28 now feeling so good about myself, I am doing something that I wouldn’t have ever done even if my life depended on it . Opening up my laptop and putting down my thoughts to words. I have finally begun to realize that life presents few opportunities to everyone. You can either close your eyes and think hey that opportunity will be there tomorrow or think hey that opportunity might be there tomorrow but it might not have my name on it.

I am feeling a little guilty now, cause I gave Beta my fish a funeral note but didn’t do the same for Alpha. Ok now don’t look at me as if it was my fault. I came home one day to see how he was doing and my mom told me hey don’t look, he is gone.. He is gone I exclaimed. Yes my mom said. I came to feed him today and saw him lying in the bowl. Oh! In a way I felt bad and good. Bad because I only had a bowl now no fish and happy because he would now reunite with Beta .Sounds so much like the climax of those Bollywood movies in the 80’s. Anyways I have just one thing to say to Alpha for the record. “ refer what I wrote for Beta. Ditto applies for you too. Keep swimming guys. We will surely miss you guys. Well my experiment with “ Two fish in a bowl” have taught me the following valuable lessons in life

What you need is not always what you want.
You realize how much someone means to you only when they are no longer there
Before committing to a relation make sure if you have the time and space for it.
Be sensitive to the needs and requirements of people who depend on you.
When you start a relation everything is so nice. The challenge is to maintain it.
Find time to check how people you love and you know are doing. It will mean a lot to them.
Never wait for tomorrow what you can do today.

Not bad for 5 Dollars nah?.

Thoughts on X28 at 8:00pm (GMT +4:00)

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ~Oprah Winfrey"

After a long days work, I have to walk nearly 15 minutes to catch a transport bus to reach home. The journey back home is about 1 hour excluding the waiting time.. All in all it was initally a painful journery espically when u were used to better means of transport. Well the question you would ask is why do you want to it??
I would like to inform you that it is during this walk and journey that i have discovered the truths about my life. Its during this walk that i remembered my childhood, my college days, my beautiful life with RG, what we talked about, what we are going to talk about, my past, my present ,my future and prepare myself for the challenges that await me tomorrow. The FM music on my phone, the cool breeze of the last few months of winter here, Its really worth all the trouble.. As i reach the bus stop I am usually the only one there. I sit on the bench and begin to sing the songs and tap my feet and look in anticipation for the messiah who is going to take me to the comfort of my home, where dinner is ,my mom and dad waiting for me to get and RG waiting to talk to me and I know she is goin to ask me as always.. "Why are u late today?".. "Dont u have a life".. ya guys dont say a word!!!

"X28 ",When i see her it brings a smile and a relief to my face. I wouldnt call her a bus because she is more than that to me.. She is my partner during recession. Once i have entered I m in comfort.The journey has enabled me to see the world like I had never seen it before. The last time i had felt this way was when I had to travel in a general compartment train in india near the rest-room. Yes readers, Life teaches you a lot you just need to be prepared.

The bus is crowded with people from different countries, age groups and walks of life who have left all they have back home to come here and make a living.. They all have dreams and aspirations, yet i could see that they were all tired and just wanted to go home, have a good meal and sleep just like me.. Some had a good day, some had bad..some have a family waiting for them, some are alone..
I look at them and realise, I m so fortunate.. my problems in life have a solution, but most of these people on this bus have no hope in life.. they have seen more downs in life that i can ever imagine, yet they look life in the eye and are ready to take a punch or two and even punch back.. It gives me a sense of satisfaction that the worst is over and the best is yet to come.. with this thought i turn on the volume of the music close my eyes and dream of everything and anything thats close to my heart and of the good days that are goin to come and the greater heights that I would have to acheive and I say to my self

I did whatever i could do today to the best of my abilites
Some went good some went bad.. I learnt something some i forgot,
I made some friends and didnt add to my list of enemies
I am safe and the lord has given me another day to live.
Let me rest now and not stop because tomorrow I have to face the challenges the world is goin to present for me..
I am ready for it